"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"

"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."